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Hangin On

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I have been going through some of the roughest days of my life as of late.  Financially I am drowning in debt and terrified for each new day and the challenges it presents.  I know there will be a propane delivery soon (used for my heat and cooking) and I have no idea how I’m going to pay it.  I haven’t been able to keep up with my car maintenance because my radiator blew and threw my world all out of kilter.  I’m just overwhelmed and scared.

I’ve never been so far behind for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month).  I feel like I’m paralyzed in fear.  I know God says he will take care of me , but I need a huge financial miracle and soon before I lose everything.

If you pray please lift me up, I’m scared, alone,  and tired….

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November 17, 2014 · 9:15 pm

Focusing

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I know I’ve been missing for a while.  I’ve been teaching myself  to play the keyboard and it  has been a life saver.  For a brief period of time my troubles don’t exist and for the first time in years, (since menopause took over my world) I can actually focus on something.  I can even play a couple of songs and recognize them.  I should have done this much, much sooner.

Nothing else in my world has gotten better.  My finances are a train wreck.  I just got a  $365 propane delivery I have no way to pay.  My car inspection, oil change, and transmission flush are all due and I have no money to do that.  My mortgage is a month behind.  I won’t have enough money to meet my bills when I get paid on the 3rd and I’m a nervous wreck.  I have no where to turn to for help.

I have been praying and reading my Bible again for the first time in over five years.  Since I started playing the keyboard, I’ve been able to focus for short periods of time (like 15 minutes).

I tried selling some things on ebay but by the time they took their fees, paypal took their fees, and I paid the shipping, I was lucky if I walked away with $5.00.  Certainly not worth the time it takes to make a good listing.

So, all in all my life is still not what I’d dreamed it would be.  I’m still disabled and living in pain everyday.  I’m in a financial nightmare.  I can’t find a man that will love me anywhere (of course I don’t really go anywhere, how can I?).  But I have my keyboard and Morriss.

Morriss is back on steroids for his allergies but he seems to be doing ok.  That’s been another major stressor.  When he’s not feeling well, I worry about how I will be able to afford to take care of him.

For today, I have a home, the Bible,  food, Morriss, and the keyboard.

Today I’m grateful for:

1.  The keyboard and music.

2.  Morriss

3.  God who is up all night.  I’m relying on him to figure this all out because I sure can’t.

 

 

5 Comments

September 20, 2014 · 9:25 am

My Purple Rose

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February 16, 2013 · 8:36 am