Usually this is a day that makes me want to jump off of a building and die. But this year I tried something different. A week ahead of time I planned on buying myself something special. And so when QVC had a cute sweater/cape I had been watching on sale during a lunchtime special for $24.00 including shipping I dove right in and ordered it. Yesterday it came in the mail and I absolutely adore everything about it and I’m so very glad that I treated me special for a change.
My friend James had invited me for dinner tonight, but during the week I texted him and told him about the storm we had coming this weekend so he made me dinner last night. That is the first time in my 47 years on this earth that a man made me dinner for Valentines Day. That is the first time a man has treated me well on Valentines Day. Thank you James. I had a wonderful night of good food and great conversation.
So today is actually Valentines Day and even though I’m alone and it’s snowing I’m content. I woke up this morning thinking about what a nice day yesterday was and thanking God for bringing James into my life when he did. James has always accepted me for who I am no matter what. Even when I was going through an overwhelming emotional time when I would burst into tears at the drop of a hat, he never judged me. He’s given me insight on how others may view my challenges with my illness. Most importantly he’s never made me feel guilty for being sick and not being able to do something. He is by far one of the best listeners I’ve ever met. It’s been several years now and I am so grateful and thankful to call him my friend.
My friend James Pailly is a writer and I love his work. Check him out:
and he’s now writing articles for
Thank you again James for being a great friend.
Even though I found myself without a significant other for yet another Valentine’s Day, at least I didn’t wallow in self-pity over being alone this year. There was no time for that. We had a major nor’easter come up the coast and slam us yesterday and last night. All in all I think we got close to two feet of snow here where I live. This is my poor house.
Before the storm
After the storm
There’s so much snow out there I fear I won’t see my yard until July. As much as I despise mowing the lawn I think I much prefer that chore to shoveling this white stuff. At least I know exactly what the lawn entails and how long it will take to complete the task. And I can get out and about even if I don’t cut the grass.
This snow storm they forecasted anything from 8 inches to 2 feet. The 2 feet is not what I was praying for, I can tell you that.
You can tell when you’ve had enough of the snow when someone says, “Oh it’s so pretty I hope we get slammed with 3 feet of snow.” and you immediately feel rage bubbling up against them. Most people who say this don’t have a home to worry about or have to go out in the elements to shovel it. They let their husbands take care of it. Well guess what, I have a home that I’m having a hard enough time trying to take care of, a pain ridden body that is now beyond excrutiating, and I have to take care of this stuff myself, and might I add, I HATE SNOW!!!!!!! Ok enough venting….
So Valentine’s day was pretty much non-existent in my world once again. I am thankful for the snow in one respect, I was much too busy and in far too much pain to even care about this love filled stupid holiday that always seems to pass me by, year after lonely year.
Today I’m grateful for:
1. We didn’t lose power or cable during the storm.
2. My neighbor came over to help me this morning and then we helped two other people. ( He did far more than I did!)
3. I went out 4 times yesterday during the storm with snow blowing so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed all at once. And even though I’m in pain, I know it would have been far worse if I had waited and tried to do it all at once.
Today’s post is from a writing prompt the other day. In lieu of Valentines Day I thought it was appropriate. Since I’m alone and longing for someone to spend my Valentines Day with I figured I’d better post this today because history has proven I will be a basket case on Thursday.
I free wrote this without thinking and after reading it back I realized it’s to the man of my dreams, the man I love. Wish he was here, we’re wasting too much time.
The writing prompt was: COUNTING HIS BREATHS
COUNTING HIS BREATHS as the minutes tick by way too quickly. Counting his breaths and praying the moment would stand still. Counting his breaths and wishing each one of his was spent with me. Just breathing together. Just being together.
Simple bodily function, but so important. Counting his breaths I realized just how many of his I had missed. Wasted moments. Wasted breaths. Wasted hours. Wasted time that could have been spent together. Hours I could have been listening to him breath and looking in his eyes and feeling his hands caress me and his kisses warming me from the inside out. Time spent in his arms talking, or in silence, so comfortable.
Feeling so desperate as each moment and breath passes by. Just wanting to freeze each moment we have together. I don’t want to lose another single moment with him. I want to capture each one. I want him with me so we can share our remaining breaths together. No more pain and loneliness for either one of us, just counting our breaths together.
Today I’m thankful for:
1. What I wrote. Maybe someday it will be reality.
2. I don’t have to go out and work, this fibromyalgia is killing me.
3. The next snow storm doesn’t look too bad.