Tag Archives: hives

Roadblocks

I need to drop back and punt.  I saw Dr. Ehrig today.  I asked about the senior subsidized housing and, no, I am not eligible.  I am not mobility impaired or mentally disabled, so that eliminates many choices.  The other subsidized housing does not allow cats so that eliminates a few more places.  Add to that I need a place with my own washer.  I am highly allergic to almost all detergents and before I bought my house I had uncontrollable hives.  I still have hives but not as bad as before.  So I need an affordable place under $700 a month that allows Morriss where I can have a washer.  From what I’ve been seeing that will be a needle in a haystack.  So the need to drop back and punt.  I guess I’m stuck here for a while.

In the meantime I will continue to de-clutter and scale down to the most loved and important things.

I also told Dr. Ehrig about my jaw and he listened very carefully with a stethoscope and then my heart and wants me to have an ultrasound.  He said the artery in the neck isn’t a normal artery to get an aneurysm, but he did look concerned.  So now I wait for the hospital to call to set up the ultrasound.

I’m so very tired.  I feel like I’m stuck in a box and trying to kick my way out but the box won’t break.  I’ve had people tell me that I am the only one that can change my life and make it better.  I just want to know HOW?!?  I don’t wallow in these things.  If you would see me out most likely you would think I didn’t have any problems.  I try to be cheerful and upbeat, but when I’m alone and fighting to get through each day I feel totally overwhelmed and defeated.

Tomorrow is a new day if God allows me to see it.

Today I’m grateful for:

1.  Even though things didn’t go well today I still kept my commitment to me to walk.

2.  I took a much needed three hour nap this afternoon.  (I’ve only been sleeping an hour or two at a time every night for the past two months, so three hours straight was wonderful!!!)

3.  I gave two books to the neighbor to keep.  So two books out of the house today.

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The Trouble with the Lawn

It was grass cutting day once again. Thankfully I’m getting better at bagging the grass. It sure helps to have the right size bags. It is also easier on my asthma to bag the grass.

Unfortunately the hives are still a problem and I’m always in a race against time when it’s hot out. By the time I’m done my face is beet red and the hives will go into my throat if I don’t get into the shower quickly and cool down and wash any pollen residue off.

So of course that’s the time the neighbors want to catch up on current life events. They must think I’m just being a snob because all I can say is I need to go and get into the shower, I’m sorry. I’ve tried at other times to explain my urgency when I’m cutting the grass, but just like everyone else, it goes in one ear and out the other. I’m tired of trying to explain myself. I wish I didn’t have to. I guess I really don’t have to.

I still feel awful and halfway through my lawn I felt like I was going to throw up. Ugghh! I just want to feel ok. And my shoulder is still killing me. I’m putting ice on it on and off, but it still hurts really bad and makes sleep horrible. Why is it that pain is so much worse at night.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. I managed to get my lawn done, and I’ve learned how to bag the grass easily.

2. I was able to nap for a bit this afternoon.

3. I don’t have anywhere I need to be for a couple of days.

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Medication Update

Well unfortunately only two small pills in and the hives started. I even spread them three days apart. I’ve been so itchy the past couple of days I can’t stand it. Sooo…. what to do? I know I really need something to level these hormones out because I’ve not been my normal bubbly self in a very long time. I’m so limited in what I can take because of the sensitivities and the fact that I only have one kidney. (one of the results of the three aneurysms I had)

I was feeling so much better after just one pill. My agitation was gone and I felt more at ease and less anxious, but I can’t dwell on that now. I’m going to try one pill a week and see if maybe that will be enough to take the edge off and hopefully not enough to cause the hives.

I guess it’s time to look into alternatives to present to my doctor on my next visit. This is where it gets difficult. I’m in such a fog most of the time it’s hard to connect two thoughts together. I’m totally surprised I can even write and make any sense.

Today I’m thankful for:

1. A great doctor that works with me.

2. A warm home on what’s going to be a snowy day.

3. The left over turkey that me and Morriss will be eating for days to come.

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Wishing my life was Different

Once again it’s been way too long since I’ve written.  I know writing makes me feel better and I do write everyday, but writing on this blog is different than the other writing I do.  The morning pages I write (an idea from “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron) are just stream of conciousness thoughts and don’t need to make any sense.  The purpose is to start the day fresh and empty your mind on paper.  Anyway, here I try to make a point and give myself and others some encouragement.  

I must admit the reason I haven’t posted in so long is a petty one, but I’ll be completely honest.  I read another young lady’s blog about her journey with Fibromyalgia (and it is an awesome blog), but she mentioned having a wonderful boyfriend to help her through the tough days and family support and I just shut down emotionally.  I’m alone to do everything and it’s overwhelming.  My family never visits, my brother doesn’t even talk to me anymore.  I have a handful of friends but no one comes here to visit me.  I know my house is cluttered and not the way I would like it to look, but it’s not filthy. 

I wonder if I’m just fooling myself thinking that I can keep this house going.  It’s only a small mobile home, but every day that goes by it seems there’s something more that needs to be done and I just don’t have the money or the intelligence to do myself.  Mowing the lawn may seem like a small thing, but when you have fibromyalgia and asthma it’s a deadly combination.  By the time I’m almost done mowing my postage stamp lawn my throat is closing up and I need to get in the house, strip my clothes off, put them in the wash, and throw myself in the shower. By then I’m so tired that’s all I can accomplish for the day.  I know you’re probably saying, “Well, pay someone to mow the lawn.”  I’d love to be able to do that, but there’s isn’t an extra $10 or $15 a week for that.  I live on disability income, which believe me, isn’t enough to survive. 

So anyway, I’ve been feeling pretty sorry for myself and trying to think of other alternatives.  I thought about selling the house and applying to live in senior housing (being on disability they allow some people under 55), but with the chemical sensitivities and the hives I suffer from soaps, colognes, cleaning products etc., I didn’t think that would be a wise idea.  All I need is a neighbor who uses something I’m allergic to to clean and I’ll live the rest of my life in hives.

After lots of thought and deliberation I realized I just need to keep fighting each day until such time that the Lord calls me home.  So I’ve started getting serious about losing weight again.  I bought a scale and a 3 month tracker from Weight Watchers.  I may not be able to afford to go to Weight Watchers anymore, but I can follow the program and weigh myself.  

As for my home.  Well, I’ll pray that God sends someone to help me do the things that need to be done.  I’ll continue to cut the grass and do what I can do. Fibromyalgia has stolen a lot from me, but I can still read and write so all is not lost.  Maybe this is right where I need to be to get where I’m going.  

Conclusion for Today: No one’s life is perfect.  I need to be thankful for what I can do and what I do have.  I love to read and write and I will concentrate on those for today.

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