Tag Archives: God

A Lot Has Happened

It would be absolutely impossible to cover all that has happened since the last time I wrote, so I’ll just let my fingers lead me to what to write about.

New Year’s Eve I got the surprise of my life when I called PNC Bank about my mobile home mortgage.  I didn’t have a new payment book so I thought I had just misplaced it.  WRONG!  I had a balloon payment of over $6,900 due on January 28, 2015.  (Which they just so kindly sent me a notice for on January 21st.  I always thought thirty days notice was customary, but apparently I’m wrong on that.)  As terrified as that information made me I’m glad I found out early.   After being on the phone and going round and round with many people who couldn’t give me any alternatives, except a short sale of my home, I tried applying for a personal loan.  The payments would have been $100 less than my mortgage, but they declined me.  I tried applying again with a friend as a co-signor and was declined once again.  I was scared out of my mind.

I knew there was no where I could go because I had done all the research over the summer and there’s no where I can afford to live on the disability income that I receive.  So I told God he really needed to handle it because I had no answers.  I asked the people at my church to pray for a miracle because I sure needed one.

And YES God did provide a miracle.  A person I barely know came to my home with a cashiers check and told me it was an interest free loan and the payments are about $90 cheaper than my mortgage was.  Thank you God!!!!   It was a great day when I walked into PNC Bank with my check book and paid the loan off and said good bye forever to them.  I will never deal with that bank again.

Over the month of December many people from my church prayed for me and helped me financially with everything from gift cards to Walmart and grocery stores to one nice couple paying my propane bill and the church helped me to catch up on a couple of things.  I don’t know what I would have done without my church family.

So today things are better.  I’m still living on an extremely limited budget, but I continue to pray that God will meet my need for groceries and medicine when I need it.  I have to believe God will meet my every need after what he has done with the mortgage.  That was a miracle and I thank God every day for sending me the miracle I needed.

Today we had snow and I tried something different when I went out to shovel.  I walked out the door and thanked God that I had a home, a driveway, and a car to shovel snow from instead of complaining and asking him where is the husband I’ve been begging him for.  I thanked him for helping me to physically do what I needed to do.  And once again he provided a miracle in giving me a good attitude while I was shoveling.  It took me three times as long as it normally would because I have a pulled muscle in my back from coughing so hard for three weeks over Christmas when I had pleurosy, but I got it done.

The rest of day was pain meds and recovery mode, but I made it through.

I guess if I have to give a piece of advice for today the first would be:  No matter how terrible and impossible things look, hang on and pray, God is listening.  and Secondly, try being positive instead of negative and complaining it will affect your outlook and attitude.

Today I’m grateful for:

1.  I have a home.

2.  A great church family, and people to help me.

3.  The wonderful dinner with my friend last night.

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Useless Worries

Worrying is so useless. All it does it make me miserable. I can’t change a single one of the things that I’m worried about. If I could I wouldn’t feel the obsessive desire to worry about them in the first place.

This is where “let go and let God” comes in from my years in AA. The hardest thing in the world to do. Give your worries over to the big man – God.

I think I’m beginning to understand where my relationship with God hit a wall. He’s a man or at least that’s how we perceive him. I know he’s far better than the average man or human, but all my life men have just used me and thrown me away. As much as I hate where I’m at in my life right now I’m realizing it’s a necessary place for me to work through all these issues. But how…???

When I invited Jesus into my heart fifteen years ago I thought all this pain was miraculously healed, but I’m realizing that I just stuffed it and buried it along with a lot of other painful things. Eventually you have to deal with your stuff if you are to be emotionally healthy.

I managed to avoid men and any form of a relationship that was too close all these years, but now, that is all I want and I don’t know how to do that because I’m so very damaged and broken. I’m hoping through writing I am healing.

I know the first step is realizing you have a problem. So at least I’m there. Maybe before I’m dead I’ll actually be loved by someone and be able to love back.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. The weather is nice and cool.

2. I have food to eat.

3. Morriss has food to eat.

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