Time passes so quickly. The memories we have were made in a blink of an eye. This morning so many memories are flashing through my mind. Bits and pieces of life that I can’t remember the exact timeline to place them on.
Tim Fitch helping me with my math homework on my parents couch. I can’t remember my exact age, but I know he was my brother’s friend. I had a huge crush on him and I didn’t really need help with math I just wanted some attention. I’m sure he probably knew that, but he would always take a few minutes to humor me. The day I read his obituary in the paper and the choke in my throat and the tears that I shed for a man I hadn’t seen in many years. My only memory the nice young man who took time to make me feel special.
My friend Mary that went into the hospital for a simple operation and never came out. I was stuck in an abusive relationship and was so messed up that I didn’t even know she died until a month later. The years that I beat myself up for not being there for my 34-year-old friend when she needed me the most.
The black cat Liz that snuck in our house and had kittens under our couch. (My father hated cats so we all had to hide this from him.)
The junk cars my family always had growing up. Held together by duct tape and ready to escape to the junkyard.
The way I felt as a child. Like I never quite fit in anywhere. Years later I’ve had people tell me they thought/think I’m a snob. The reality is I’m very shy and insecure and afraid of being rejected and hurt. And I’m still that child that doesn’t feel like I fit in anywhere.
Drinking way to much to cover up my feelings of being less than. The pain of reality when I could no longer drown myself in mind numbing substances. The freedom that God brought into my life. Although I still have remnants of the past I’m dealing with.
My brother “helping” me through the snow by pushing me into a snowbank. The way I idolized him and just wanted him to pay attention to me. The pain and rejection I felt all too often from him throughout my childhood and adult life.
The fuzzy children that have come and gone in my life. “Mr. Pussycat” when I still lived home. The indoor/outdoor battle cat. “Baby” my first kitty when I moved out. She was black and white and her nickname was psycho kitty because she would attack me in the middle of the night. “Sweeti” the pretty petite tortoise-shell girl I rescued from the SPCA. “Buddy” the gray and white kitty that found and claimed me as his own. He touched my heart in ways I never thought possible. “Morriss” my current fuzzy child. Can anyone say CATITUDE!
The inmates that I met over the years when I was involved in prison ministry. Showing me that I am exactly the same as them. It’s just God’s grace that kept me from being in their shoes. The love and acceptance that they showed me and I hope I returned back to them.
So many things I could pick and just write. I hope you don’t mind just a string of brief flashes of memory this morning. I just couldn’t focus on any one thought.
Today I’m thankful for:
1. Memories good and bad have made me who I am. I’m discovering more about myself writing than I have in my whole life.
2. People who take the time to make you feel special.
3. I have a lot to write about. I’ve lived a lot of life in my 45 years.