Tag Archives: finances

A Lot Has Happened

It would be absolutely impossible to cover all that has happened since the last time I wrote, so I’ll just let my fingers lead me to what to write about.

New Year’s Eve I got the surprise of my life when I called PNC Bank about my mobile home mortgage.  I didn’t have a new payment book so I thought I had just misplaced it.  WRONG!  I had a balloon payment of over $6,900 due on January 28, 2015.  (Which they just so kindly sent me a notice for on January 21st.  I always thought thirty days notice was customary, but apparently I’m wrong on that.)  As terrified as that information made me I’m glad I found out early.   After being on the phone and going round and round with many people who couldn’t give me any alternatives, except a short sale of my home, I tried applying for a personal loan.  The payments would have been $100 less than my mortgage, but they declined me.  I tried applying again with a friend as a co-signor and was declined once again.  I was scared out of my mind.

I knew there was no where I could go because I had done all the research over the summer and there’s no where I can afford to live on the disability income that I receive.  So I told God he really needed to handle it because I had no answers.  I asked the people at my church to pray for a miracle because I sure needed one.

And YES God did provide a miracle.  A person I barely know came to my home with a cashiers check and told me it was an interest free loan and the payments are about $90 cheaper than my mortgage was.  Thank you God!!!!   It was a great day when I walked into PNC Bank with my check book and paid the loan off and said good bye forever to them.  I will never deal with that bank again.

Over the month of December many people from my church prayed for me and helped me financially with everything from gift cards to Walmart and grocery stores to one nice couple paying my propane bill and the church helped me to catch up on a couple of things.  I don’t know what I would have done without my church family.

So today things are better.  I’m still living on an extremely limited budget, but I continue to pray that God will meet my need for groceries and medicine when I need it.  I have to believe God will meet my every need after what he has done with the mortgage.  That was a miracle and I thank God every day for sending me the miracle I needed.

Today we had snow and I tried something different when I went out to shovel.  I walked out the door and thanked God that I had a home, a driveway, and a car to shovel snow from instead of complaining and asking him where is the husband I’ve been begging him for.  I thanked him for helping me to physically do what I needed to do.  And once again he provided a miracle in giving me a good attitude while I was shoveling.  It took me three times as long as it normally would because I have a pulled muscle in my back from coughing so hard for three weeks over Christmas when I had pleurosy, but I got it done.

The rest of day was pain meds and recovery mode, but I made it through.

I guess if I have to give a piece of advice for today the first would be:  No matter how terrible and impossible things look, hang on and pray, God is listening.  and Secondly, try being positive instead of negative and complaining it will affect your outlook and attitude.

Today I’m grateful for:

1.  I have a home.

2.  A great church family, and people to help me.

3.  The wonderful dinner with my friend last night.

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Feeling Panicked

Morriss is hiding under the couch and that has me worried about him.  Usually he only goes under there when there are fireworks or storms.  Neither of which is happening right now.   He has been eating and seemed to be doing ok, but this hiding tells me he’s not feeling himself.

I just sat down and paid bills and did some calculating for next month and I’m going to fall short of my bills by $75 and that doesn’t even count for gas or food.  So I’ll be in the red over $250.  I’m terrified.  I know Morriss is going to need to have the other tests done or maybe be put down, but I can’t afford to do anything.

I’m trying not to panic, but I don’t have anywhere to turn.  I’m looking around the house to see if I have anything to sell on ebay.

Lord, please help me.  I just want to sit and cry, but I know that won’t solve anything and may make Morriss worse.

I know I’m not the only person on the earth going through this, but it sure feels like it when you’re all alone in the world.

If you pray, please pray for me.  I’m alone, I’m terrified, and I just don’t know which way to turn anymore.

Today I’m grateful for:

1.  I had food for today.

2.  My bills are paid for today.

3.  This is all just temporary and one day I’ll be in heaven and won’t have to worry about all these things.

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Scatter-Brained

I’m so glad I cut the lawn last night. I woke up in pain and feeling drugged this morning and so it’s been a very lazy, napping kind of day here. I’m also glad I took the boneless spare ribs out of the freezer and put them in the crock pot this morning with BBQ sauce.

I’m feeling really scatter brained these days, as I’m sure you can see in my writing. This is so not me and is a cause of much frustration. I’ve been trying to just roll with it, but then there are moments like yesterday when I realized I received paperwork to fill out to renew my $16 monthly food stamps (hardly worth all the work and investigation they do), but I can’t find it anywhere. I called the local welfare office only to get voice mail, left a message, and never heard back from anyone. I realize I will most likely have to go there and sit in the office for three hours to get a replacement. Uggghhh! The agitation I’m feeling it’s hardly worth the $16 a month.

There is so much I need to do, but I can’t concentrate very long. Tonight I decided it was balancing my checkbook and writing bills before my social security disability gets here so I don’t go and buy food with money I don’t have. Good thing I did that because I got a sobering awakening. I’m $44.17 in the hole if I just pay the bills that are due. So there is NO money for food, or gas. Ugghhh! How in the world am I supposed to keep doing this. I haven’t had a hair cut in over a year. I’ve cut everything to bare bones and I’m still struggling. And the depression rolls in…

Today I’m grateful for:

1. I have a roof over my head for today.

2. I had a great dinner tonight.

3. I had fruit for today, but now it’s all gone.

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The Reality of Being Disabled

Being disabled sucks. I’m sorry if that’s too much reality in your face, but it’s the truth.

Anyone who thinks I’m just sitting around enjoying my life and all the free time and doing all the things you can’t because you’re working is absolutely delusional and crazy.

Yesterday I had a quiet day of reading and homework planned, but reality took over and by the time I got out of the shower I was too tired and in too much pain and fatigued to do anything at all. And so I spent the beautiful sunny 70 degree day on the couch wishing I could just die and be done with this.

There are so many things I want to do, but this pain ridden body gets in the way and keeps me down. And if it’s not my body it’s the lack of finances. (Believe me, social security disability is not meant to live on.)

I just want to be able to go take a walk in the park, or take a ride in the country, or go to a writer’s weekend, or go away to a hotel by myself for a night, or go do something fun (painting with a twist looks amazing, but I can’t afford it), or so many things… There’s just no money or energy for anything it seems.

I’m trying to drag myself out of the doldrums this morning and maybe after my shower I’ll have a different perspective, but for right now I’m just trying to keep thinking maybe I’ll be able to do something today. Homework, or go for a walk, or call a friend to talk. All things that require either concentration or energy, of which I have none. Sigh…

Today I’m grateful for:

1. I don’t have to be anywhere today.

2. I have left overs for dinner.

3. It’s another beautiful sunny day out.

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A Tuesday With Morriss

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I slept right through yesterday and mom forgot it was Morriss Mondays so I just let her go. I was hot and tired anyway.

So for this week it will be Tuesday. *Smirking*

Mom is really agitated today. No real reason, just that menopause thing she’s going through. I wish that would be over already. (So does she, I can tell) God, please help my mom…

It’s been really hot here. Mom is so good to me. She put aluminum foil over all the windows inside the blinds so we’ll be a little cooler. I know it’s a lot cooler than outside because when she took the trash out last night I went over to the screen door and I could feel how hot it was. It feels like an oven out there. So even though it’s not cold in here, the way mom would like it, it is cooler than outside.

Mom got something in the mail the other day and when she came home she picked me up, started crying and told me some nice person helped us with the electric bill. Then she asked me to pray for the mortgage to get caught up. I wish mom didn’t have to worry so much about money. I hope someone comes across this blog and likes what they see and offers her some kind of deal.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. It’s cooler in here than outside.

2. I have a home.

3. Mom loves me.

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In Awe and Amazed

What a fantastic way to start the morning to find out your electric is scheduled to be shut off on July 19th. Really?!? I’ve been running behind and I have a balance of $208.00. Wow! The best part is, I spoke with someone yesterday and they never mentioned this little surprise to me. I guess they were just going to shock me on the day of and just shut it off. Nothing like giving you time to deal with it. I am grateful that God laid it on my heart to call the automated system this morning. Without air conditioning I would balloon up in hives and possibly die, but I guess that just doesn’t matter to anyone.

So I scrambled around and pulled all my money together to pay the past due amount of $119.00 so they would stop the shut off action. So now I have $6.22 left for food, gas, and other necessities until August 3rd. And then after paying bills I will have $42.98 to get food, gas, and other necessities. I just want to cry but I’m in too much pain and too tired.

I called the Operation Help number that PPL gave me yesterday and after numerous tries and numerous busy signals and the phone ringing and ringing and ringing I found out that they won’t have funding until October. Nice…

I don’t even know which way to turn right now. I don’t want to fall back into the pit of depression I was in because I don’t know that I will make it back out this time. I’m just so overwhelmed that there is absolutely no help for me in any of these government programs.

Now you may be saying, “Why not ask your church?” As much as I love my church, I’ve had a humiliating experience when I asked for help. I had to give a balance sheet of my income and expenses and the guy in charge asked me all kinds of questions. I am not a stupid individual, but by the time I left there I felt like the most stupid person to ever walk this earth. I can’t go through those feelings again. I know that person is very good with finances and for that I am grateful, but when it comes to people in need he’s absolutely clueless about how bad people already feel when they’ve stooped to ask for help, they don’t need to be questioned like children. I am not the only person that was treated this way, I’ve been praying that God would open the eyes of the people in charge to change this, but it hasn’t happened as of yet and I don’t feel like I’m to be the whistle-blower. (although as I wrote that maybe this is the way it will be found out. I don’t know)

I’m thinking of the men who worked on my steps outside. That’s how people in need should be treated. He’s so nice. He didn’t ask for a balance sheet, he just asked what I needed done and then proceeded to do an excellent job of fixing my steps for me. No questions asked except pertaining to the steps. He treated me with respect and dignity and made me feel like God loved me and cared about me. That’s the way it should be done.

I had wanted to go to the Writer’s Cafe tonight, but since they moved it to the Barnes & Noble and it’s now forty minutes from my house I don’t know that I can spend that gas to get there right now.
To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. But I have electric.

All I know right now is I am scared and alone to deal with this. Yes, I know God is aware and I know He is all-powerful and can do anything, but I’ve been struggling for so long with health and finance issues I truly wonder if He even sees me.

Today I’m grateful for: (working hard for this today)

1. My electric won’t be shut off on July 19th.

2. I have gas in my car.

3. Writing is free.

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Bills, Bills, and More Bills

I’m so aggravated with PNC Bank right now I could spit. I’m a month behind in my mortgage and I’m trying to work something out with them, but they are NO HELP whatsoever. I have 21 months left on my mortgage and it seems they would rather leave me in the pit and foreclose than work with me.

I’ve had this home for twelve years and have only been a couple of days late a handful of times, but there’s absolutely no help. I can’t refinance for a lower interest rate because it’s a mobile home over five years old and I don’t own the land it sits on. I can’t skip any payments and extend the loan because of the time period left. I can’t get a loan to pay it off and lower the payments because I don’t qualify.

I really don’t know what to do. They wonder why people lose everything. This is why. I’m trying to work with them, but they have absolutely no desire to work with me at all. I spoke with one really nice guy this morning, Ben, and he transferred me to the loan modification line where Bruce didn’t even talk to me and just transferred me back to the department that Ben was in to another woman who gave me an entirely different number to call and they’re not open until Monday.

I’ve been to the branch and have been told there is nothing they can do to help me. So where do I turn. I just want to cry. In fact I am crying. I don’t want my bills to be late. I don’t want to be classified a dead beat. I don’t want to lose my home when I’m this close to paying it off.

I’m so overwhelmed by my bills I just don’t know where to turn. There is absolutely no help out there for me because I make too much money. I didn’t know $1,500 a month put me in the wealthy category. I’ve called every agency, friend, relative, etc, but no there’s no help. I’m tired of even trying.

Add to that my electric bill remains unpaid, the taxes on the house, the $315 propane bill I wasn’t expecting. I really don’t know what I’m going to do. To say I’m scared is an understatement.

All this stress increases my pain level to degrees where I can’t even function at all. I’m surprised I’m even able to write this blog. Why is my life always so very hard? What did I do to deserve this punishment.

I wish the people who made the decisions to take away all the assistance I received for heat, electric, food, etc would have to try to live my life for one month. Maybe things would change.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. I have a roof over my head for today.

2. I don’t have to be anywhere today so I can try to be kind to myself.

2. I have a library book to read.

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