I need to drop back and punt. I saw Dr. Ehrig today. I asked about the senior subsidized housing and, no, I am not eligible. I am not mobility impaired or mentally disabled, so that eliminates many choices. The other subsidized housing does not allow cats so that eliminates a few more places. Add to that I need a place with my own washer. I am highly allergic to almost all detergents and before I bought my house I had uncontrollable hives. I still have hives but not as bad as before. So I need an affordable place under $700 a month that allows Morriss where I can have a washer. From what I’ve been seeing that will be a needle in a haystack. So the need to drop back and punt. I guess I’m stuck here for a while.
In the meantime I will continue to de-clutter and scale down to the most loved and important things.
I also told Dr. Ehrig about my jaw and he listened very carefully with a stethoscope and then my heart and wants me to have an ultrasound. He said the artery in the neck isn’t a normal artery to get an aneurysm, but he did look concerned. So now I wait for the hospital to call to set up the ultrasound.
I’m so very tired. I feel like I’m stuck in a box and trying to kick my way out but the box won’t break. I’ve had people tell me that I am the only one that can change my life and make it better. I just want to know HOW?!? I don’t wallow in these things. If you would see me out most likely you would think I didn’t have any problems. I try to be cheerful and upbeat, but when I’m alone and fighting to get through each day I feel totally overwhelmed and defeated.
Tomorrow is a new day if God allows me to see it.
Today I’m grateful for:
1. Even though things didn’t go well today I still kept my commitment to me to walk.
2. I took a much needed three hour nap this afternoon. (I’ve only been sleeping an hour or two at a time every night for the past two months, so three hours straight was wonderful!!!)
3. I gave two books to the neighbor to keep. So two books out of the house today.
I have an oak desk in my bedroom that I want to move to my office and get rid of the drafting desk that’s in there. I’ve been wanting to do this all week because the lady who bought the computer needed something to put it on and I thought maybe she’d be interested in the drafting table. Unfortunately my body has not been cooperating with me at all.
I have so much stuff on the oak desk in my bedroom that it will probably be a day’s job just to organize and get rid of stuff. And then even with the drawers out of the desk I’m not sure if I’ll be able to move it by myself. I do have the moving men things to put under it, but I don’t know if I’ll even be able to lift it to get the moving men under it. But I’ll never know unless I clean it off will I?
I also need to go through all my books and get rid of those that I don’t absolutely love because I have way too many. I really just need to get rid of lots of stuff in my house. There’s so much stuff in boxes that have been in boxes since I moved my house in 2003. I am just so fatigued and exhausted all the time it’s hard to get anything done outside of the things I need to do to survive.
I was wishing and hoping that my friend would be here for me and with me by now, but it’s over four years later and I’m realizing that once again I’ve just been used. He’s never going to be here for me. When I was so sick he didn’t make any time to come see me or help me, nor did anyone else. Time to re-evaluate my whole life and everyone in it. So that’s another thing I need to do is put him in an acquaintance category and forget about going out of my way for him like I used to.
I need and want to de-clutter my home, but I need the energy and stamina to be able to do that. Lord please help me.
Today I’m grateful for:
1. I had an awesome dinner that I made in the crock pot (BBQ ribs) and some of mom’s potato salad that she sent home with me yesterday.
2. I didn’t have to be anywhere today. (Which was good because I woke up at 3:45 am in major pain this morning)
3. We’re having thunderstorms but they’re normal not crazy like last year.