Author Archives: lcmitsu

Valentines Day

Usually this is a day that makes me want to jump off of a building and die.  But this year I tried something different.  A week ahead of time I planned on buying myself something special.  And so when QVC had a cute sweater/cape I had been watching on sale during a lunchtime special for $24.00 including shipping I dove right in and ordered it.   Yesterday it came in the mail and I absolutely adore everything about it and I’m so very glad that I treated me special for a change.

My friend James had invited me for dinner tonight, but during the week I texted him and told him about the storm we had coming this weekend so he made me dinner last night.  That is the first time in my 47 years on this earth that a man made me dinner for Valentines Day.  That is the first time a man has treated me well on Valentines Day.  Thank you James.  I had a wonderful night of good food and great conversation.

So today is actually Valentines Day and even though I’m alone and it’s snowing I’m content.  I woke up this morning thinking about what a nice day yesterday was and thanking God for bringing James into my life when he did.  James has always accepted me for who I am no matter what.  Even when I was going through an overwhelming emotional time when I would burst into tears at the drop of a hat, he never judged me. He’s given me insight on how others may view my challenges with my illness.  Most importantly he’s never made me feel guilty for being sick and not being able to do something.   He is by far one of the best listeners I’ve ever met.  It’s been several years now and I am so grateful and thankful to call him my friend.

My friend James Pailly is a writer and I love his work.  Check him out:

http://www.tomorrownewsnetwork.com

http://www.planetpailly.wordpress.com

and he’s now writing articles for

http://www.scifiideas.com

Thank you again James for being a great friend.

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Morriss Mondays

Hey everyone, it’s me MORRISS! Did you miss me? You’re probably wondering where I’ve been and why I would let my adoring fans not know what was going on. Please accept my humblest apologies. I was very sick since the summer. I’m not sure what I’ve told you already so I’ll just tell you what comes to mind at this moment. As you can see in this picture, my fur was looking really scraggly.

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I was ripping out my fur and biting myself so hard I was bleeding and coughing up hairballs everyday. Since I was never one to have hairballs mom knew something was very wrong.

I had taken to hiding in the small bedroom which scared mom. I just wanted to die I felt so horrible. Mom was so very worried about me.

The first time I went to the vet I had a hair ball stuck and couldn’t get it out and couldn’t stop throwing up. That scared me and mom. The vet was very nice to me and mom. He gave me three shots, one to stop the vomitting, one was an antibiotic, and one was a steroid. Then he gave mom steroid pills to give me. Mom was so good she hid them in my favorite food and I had no idea they were there. I got better pretty quick. My fur started coming back and I stopped throwing up hair balls.

And then… the steroids were gone and within two weeks it started all over again. Mom was so worried about me. She would put her hand on me and pray that I would get better. I know mom doesn’t have a lot of money and she had to put my previous visit on a credit card that she really couldn’t afford to pay, but she did it because she loves me.

She had asked the people on her Facebook page to pray for me and her friend Bob called from Georgia. I met Bob a couple times, I acted like I didn’t like him holding me, but as soon as he put me down I stayed by him because I did kind of like him. Anyway, mom explained that during our first vet visit they wanted to do tests on me but she couldn’t afford to have them done. As it was, the first bill was over $100. So her friend Bob said he would pay for the office visit and tests so mom could make sure what was going on with me. I remember mom picking me up and crying and telling me that Bob was going to help me to get better. I didn’t put up a fight when she put me in my carrier that day. I wasn’t happy at the vets when they decided to draw blood and do xrays on me, but I let them.

Now, all along mom thought it was allergies and after the tests were done, she was right. Now she had to figure out to what.
Mom called Bob after the vet visit to tell him that they thought it was allergies and he mentioned checking into grain free food and cutting out chicken or beef.

So mom started a food allergy journal so she could figure out my allergies. I’ll let mom tell you about that because I don’t understand what all she did. All I know is mom is a genius. She started giving me the food in this picture. These are my three favorites.

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And after a week this was how my fur looked.

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And this was me this morning.

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I’m hoping to continue to feel well and keep you updated on my life here with mom.

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A Lot Has Happened

It would be absolutely impossible to cover all that has happened since the last time I wrote, so I’ll just let my fingers lead me to what to write about.

New Year’s Eve I got the surprise of my life when I called PNC Bank about my mobile home mortgage.  I didn’t have a new payment book so I thought I had just misplaced it.  WRONG!  I had a balloon payment of over $6,900 due on January 28, 2015.  (Which they just so kindly sent me a notice for on January 21st.  I always thought thirty days notice was customary, but apparently I’m wrong on that.)  As terrified as that information made me I’m glad I found out early.   After being on the phone and going round and round with many people who couldn’t give me any alternatives, except a short sale of my home, I tried applying for a personal loan.  The payments would have been $100 less than my mortgage, but they declined me.  I tried applying again with a friend as a co-signor and was declined once again.  I was scared out of my mind.

I knew there was no where I could go because I had done all the research over the summer and there’s no where I can afford to live on the disability income that I receive.  So I told God he really needed to handle it because I had no answers.  I asked the people at my church to pray for a miracle because I sure needed one.

And YES God did provide a miracle.  A person I barely know came to my home with a cashiers check and told me it was an interest free loan and the payments are about $90 cheaper than my mortgage was.  Thank you God!!!!   It was a great day when I walked into PNC Bank with my check book and paid the loan off and said good bye forever to them.  I will never deal with that bank again.

Over the month of December many people from my church prayed for me and helped me financially with everything from gift cards to Walmart and grocery stores to one nice couple paying my propane bill and the church helped me to catch up on a couple of things.  I don’t know what I would have done without my church family.

So today things are better.  I’m still living on an extremely limited budget, but I continue to pray that God will meet my need for groceries and medicine when I need it.  I have to believe God will meet my every need after what he has done with the mortgage.  That was a miracle and I thank God every day for sending me the miracle I needed.

Today we had snow and I tried something different when I went out to shovel.  I walked out the door and thanked God that I had a home, a driveway, and a car to shovel snow from instead of complaining and asking him where is the husband I’ve been begging him for.  I thanked him for helping me to physically do what I needed to do.  And once again he provided a miracle in giving me a good attitude while I was shoveling.  It took me three times as long as it normally would because I have a pulled muscle in my back from coughing so hard for three weeks over Christmas when I had pleurosy, but I got it done.

The rest of day was pain meds and recovery mode, but I made it through.

I guess if I have to give a piece of advice for today the first would be:  No matter how terrible and impossible things look, hang on and pray, God is listening.  and Secondly, try being positive instead of negative and complaining it will affect your outlook and attitude.

Today I’m grateful for:

1.  I have a home.

2.  A great church family, and people to help me.

3.  The wonderful dinner with my friend last night.

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Hangin On

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I have been going through some of the roughest days of my life as of late.  Financially I am drowning in debt and terrified for each new day and the challenges it presents.  I know there will be a propane delivery soon (used for my heat and cooking) and I have no idea how I’m going to pay it.  I haven’t been able to keep up with my car maintenance because my radiator blew and threw my world all out of kilter.  I’m just overwhelmed and scared.

I’ve never been so far behind for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month).  I feel like I’m paralyzed in fear.  I know God says he will take care of me , but I need a huge financial miracle and soon before I lose everything.

If you pray please lift me up, I’m scared, alone,  and tired….

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November 17, 2014 · 9:15 pm

Focusing

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I know I’ve been missing for a while.  I’ve been teaching myself  to play the keyboard and it  has been a life saver.  For a brief period of time my troubles don’t exist and for the first time in years, (since menopause took over my world) I can actually focus on something.  I can even play a couple of songs and recognize them.  I should have done this much, much sooner.

Nothing else in my world has gotten better.  My finances are a train wreck.  I just got a  $365 propane delivery I have no way to pay.  My car inspection, oil change, and transmission flush are all due and I have no money to do that.  My mortgage is a month behind.  I won’t have enough money to meet my bills when I get paid on the 3rd and I’m a nervous wreck.  I have no where to turn to for help.

I have been praying and reading my Bible again for the first time in over five years.  Since I started playing the keyboard, I’ve been able to focus for short periods of time (like 15 minutes).

I tried selling some things on ebay but by the time they took their fees, paypal took their fees, and I paid the shipping, I was lucky if I walked away with $5.00.  Certainly not worth the time it takes to make a good listing.

So, all in all my life is still not what I’d dreamed it would be.  I’m still disabled and living in pain everyday.  I’m in a financial nightmare.  I can’t find a man that will love me anywhere (of course I don’t really go anywhere, how can I?).  But I have my keyboard and Morriss.

Morriss is back on steroids for his allergies but he seems to be doing ok.  That’s been another major stressor.  When he’s not feeling well, I worry about how I will be able to afford to take care of him.

For today, I have a home, the Bible,  food, Morriss, and the keyboard.

Today I’m grateful for:

1.  The keyboard and music.

2.  Morriss

3.  God who is up all night.  I’m relying on him to figure this all out because I sure can’t.

 

 

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September 20, 2014 · 9:25 am

Bogged Down

I’ve been wanting to write for a long time now.  I’ve scribbled so many ideas  in my notebook to write about, but then reality hits me and I just can’t seem to see above the tidal wave that’s about to engulf me.   I really don’t want to post anything negative, so I’ve been avoiding posting.  But tonight I just can’t be silent any longer.

I’m overwhelmed by this thing we call life.  I know God is in control.  It’s just terrifying to be alone trying to handle everything.

I’m still walking twice a week and my legs are getting stronger, but it doesn’t take away the fibromyalgia pain.  It actually makes the pain worse at night and makes me cry myself to sleep, but I know I need to be stronger just to be able to be alone and do the things I need to do to take care of me and Morriss.  So it’s non-negotiable.  I must walk two days a week.

Tonight I was on the computer to pay a couple bills.  I realize sadly I will have $1.00 left for food and gas for the month.  That’s not going to work.  I so wanted to be out of this house before winter hit, but there’s no where cheaper that I can go to.   Did I say I’m overwhelmed?!

A couple weeks ago when I saw my doctor he could tell by my blood pressure and my look of distress on my face that I was beyond distraught and stressed.  He sent a social worker in to talk with me to see if she could figure out any programs that could help me.  I knew the answer before talking to her, but I was open to whatever she had to offer.  And yes, I was right, I am just over the limit for everything.  So no, there’s no help for me.   I’m single with no kids, so I did everything right, but in the eyes of our government I did everything wrong and they won’t help me with anything.

Sorry to be such a downer.  I will try to pick myself up once again.

The good news is I do have something new I’ve been losing myself in.  I found a $15 battery operated musical keyboard on ebay and for the last three weeks I’ve been following a free ebook, and teaching myself to play.  It’s been a life saver on nights like tonight.  I get lost in the scales, chords, and try to play simple songs.   So that’s what I’m going to do now.

 

Today I’m grateful for:

1.  The keyboard and music.

2.  This computer.

3.  I will be able to at least pay my bills.

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Working Hard

country living

I’ve had a few people ask how I’ve been and what I’ve been doing.  In between all the problems I have been standing strong on getting healthier.

I began the journey March 17, 2014 by writing down everything I eat and keeping track of the points so I don’t overeat.  The opportunity to walk inside at the church opened up and I went Mondays and Thursdays.  I started out walking eight or nine laps around the new worship center in about fifteen minutes.  When I first started walking I wanted to throw up because it made me feel so horrible.  This fibromyalgia and other health issues had me down for over fifteen years, so I have a lot of work to do.

It’s now been four months and I’m glad to say I’m seventeen pounds less than I was at the start of this adventure and I’m now walking twelve laps in twenty-five minutes  twice a week.  I’m feeling stronger each day.  The fatigue still sets in around lap four, but I turn the praise music up and lift my hands to God and pray for the strength to continue.  My right knee hasn’t been going out of place anymore, praise God.

I’m not doing this to look great.  Those days have long since passed me by.  I’m doing this to be healthy.  I live alone and it’s terrifying when I physically can’t do what I need to do.  I’m not saying that has resolved itself, but at least I know I’m working on it.  I know I have to take it slow and easy or wind up in a major fibromyalgia flare up.  I did that early on and it was wicked.

So I’ve been isolated from people unless I’m in the sound room at church or out and about doing errands.  I have a couple friends I see maybe once a month or so, but most have forgotten about me.  (Out of sight, out of mind, I guess)

I’ve had a couple of health scares since I started, but thankfully they’ve not become issues.  I had to stop taking my asthma medication, singulair, because it was colliding with menopause and making me very agitated and full of rage. The big problem is I can’t take anything else for my asthma, but thankfully God send a gentleman to cut my lawn so I won’t have a major asthma attack.

I had an ultrasound on my neck because I was having weird symptoms and since I had the three aneurysms in my abdomen I am more likely to get one somewhere else.  Thankfully the symptoms went away and the ultrasound was normal.

So in summary, I’m working hard at getting healthy.  I’m feeling stronger.  I’m still lonely and wishing that would change and God would send the husband I’ve been longing for, but I’m losing hope with each passing day.  Financially I’m drowning, but all the doors closed on the plans I had to get out of my home so I’m stuck here for now.

Today I’m grateful for:

1.  I’ve stayed committed to walking even when it made me feel like I wanted to die, and now I’m getting a little stronger.

2.  The gentleman cut my lawn yesterday so I wouldn’t have to.

3.  I’m not perfect every day with my lifestyle changes, but I don’t stay stuck in my mistakes.  I get back on track the next meal or the next day so it doesn’t snowball into a disaster.

 

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