Just When You Think….

Just when you think it couldn’t possibly get any worse… the washing machine that’s only 3.5 years old dies.  Ugghh.

So to recap my world…. I can’t sell my home for what I owe, I can’t go into senior housing because I’m not sick enough, I need my own washer so I don’t break out in life threatening hives, and a multitude of other issues.  I’m so overwhelmed I feel like I’m just standing and watching a swirling world of chaos and confusion circling around me.   I truly don’t understand any of this.   I spent most of today asking God to please show me the why behind all these problems in my life.  I got no answers.

Sadly the washer can’t be repaired because it would cost more than it’s worth.  Thankfully the service guy told me that without making me pay a service call of $89.

I’m in so much debt I don’t think I’ll ever see the light of day.  I wanted to be out of this house before winter because I have no more credit to pay for propane for heat, but it looks like I’m going to be stuck here for a while.  I have no idea how I’m going to buy food that I’m quickly running out of and I’m just totally overwhelmed by my life.

When you’ve been on disability as long as I have many friends avoid you because they just don’t know what to say or do anymore.  I guess they don’t realize that only makes my life even lonelier and more painful.  Many people try to give advice, but they’re doing it from a perspective that isn’t even close to the reality that I’m living.

So today has been a really bad day.  I’m really feeling very hopeless and overwhelmed.

Today I’m grateful for:

1.  The good news is I was able to drain the water out of the washer and salvage my clothes when it died.

2.  I can’t figure anything in my life out right now so I’m leaving it with God.  He’s up all night.  Hopefully he’ll help me somehow.

3.  A store gave me credit and I found a cheap closeout washer that will be delivered Tuesday.  (Now I just need to figure out how to pay for it.)

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