Harder Than I Thought

Everything I’m trying to do is much harder than I originally thought it would be.  Part of the problem is I’m a lot weaker than I was when I moved into this house thirteen years ago.  The other part is I can’t seem to think my way out of a wet paper bag these days.  And being alone is not making this easy.

I’m seriously wondering if I’m suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from all the stress I’ve been under these past four years.  I will be bringing this up to Dr. Ehrig tomorrow along with a list of other concerns.  At the top of my list is the muscle spasm/or heartbeat that I’ve been feeling in my jaw.  Since I’ve had three aneurysms I’m concerned that this may be another one lurking.  I’ve also had the silver dots around my eyes the past few months on and off like I had when I had the other aneurysms.  I’m hoping I’m wrong and it’s just muscle spasms, but I need to know either way.

I feel like I’m all over the place.  I was trying to find a realtor to sell my house before getting it ready to show.  And I’ve  been looking for apartments because a lot of the senior subsidized housing has years long waiting lists, but I’m not even sure I’m eligible with fibromyalgia.  The other major issue is if I don’t have my own washer I’ll be breaking out in hives because I’m so allergic to most laundry detergents.  So another question for Dr. Ehrig tomorrow.

So I’ve been trying to move forward, but I really can’t until I deal with all the things I need to get rid of to de-clutter my home.  I feel a small victory today, I took my coffee table out for trash because it’s had a broken leg for years.  I moved my small desk to the living room so I have a place to go through things where it’s cooler because the small bedroom is hot as hell.   Not near as much as I hoped to get done today, but with the overwhelming pain and fatigue I had today from a horrible night’s sleep and 90+ degree heat outside making my home 85 degrees with both air conditioners running, I consider what I did today a lot.

Today I’m grateful for:

1.  I got a one item out of the house.

2.  I’m doing the best I can with the all the health challenges I deal with everyday.

3.  I will get some much needed answers tomorrow from Dr. Ehrig.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Harder Than I Thought

  1. Hi Linda, Just doing a couple of things a day, you will get there. Please blog about what the doctor says. I am sorry things continue to be so hard for you. If anybody needs a break, it is you!!! Sending lots of love, Cathy xo

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