Some days everything just feels like too much. I’m trying to keep my head clear about the disappointments of yesterday and telling myself God is in control and He’s up all night. He already knows where I’m going and when so I need to just do my part and de-clutter and get rid of what I don’t need and once I finish that step then the stair case will appear. That’s the place I woke up in this morning.
And then,…. I checked my email and the man I fell in love with five years ago, who just hasn’t been able to do what he needs to do to be with me, emails me and says his doctor is screening him for cancer and he feels like no one cares about him at all. Even though decisions were made a number of months ago that have stopped us from seeing each other he has still be emailing occasionally.
So with that information on my mind all day I had to drive to Bethlehem to meet my mom and sister and take my mom to St. Luke’s to have her neck x-rayed for her follow up appointment with the neurosurgeon next week. This is from her broken neck from her car accident two years ago.
I was so tired from not sleeping well and all these things were on my mind all day. So I was in the area of my friend’s job and decided to stop by and let him know I do care. I pulled away asking myself why I even bothered. I felt like I was just being an intrusion in his life. I won’t do that again. I will pray for him and I wish him the best but there is a reason I pulled away and I need to keep that distance there.
I came home and cried my eyes out once again. I’m so tired of hurting so much.
Today I’m grateful for:
1. My mom is doing so well. Lord bless Dr. Moulding for being such and awesome neurosurgeon when she broke her neck.
2. I made it through today in one piece.
3. It was a beautiful cool sunny day.