Trying Again

Over the years I’ve been verbally and mentally abused by many different people, including family.  It’s taken me until I was well into my forties before I learned to stand up for myself and draw some tough boundaries to protect my heart. 

Whenever we draw boundaries it can cause some people to take offense and get angry.  And with some people it may be necessary to cut them out of your life completely for a time, which is what happened with my brother.

He was overstepping many boundaries and saying very mean and hurtful things about me and to me when I cut him out of my life and changed my phone number so he could not contact me. 

Well, here we are three years later and he told my mom he wants to talk to me.  I sat and prayed about it last night and I’ve come up with a solution that will make my mom happy and still allow my boundaries to be in place.   I told her I will go to her apartment for a dinner with him and his wife and my sister.  I don’t want him to have my phone number.  I will not meet with him or talk to him anywhere else, but at my mom’s. 

I realize that may sound harsh, but you need to know the history.  We grew up in a very dysfunctional alcoholic home and his role was the instigator.  To this day he likes to get everyone angry with each other by saying things that the ohter one said about the other.  Most of the time there was no truth to the lies he was speaking but my mom and sister would believe the things he said that I said (that I never said at all) and then there would be animosity between us.  Since I’ve changed my phone number and cut him out of my life, my mom sister and I have gotten along great.  I’m not willing to give that up again. 

I’d like to believe that he isn’t aware of the pain he causes.  That this is just another symptom of growing up in such dysfunction.  Alcoholism is such a destruction disease not only to the alcoholic, but to the family members as well.  There is so much pain and hurt it’s hard to know what was intentional and what was learned behavior.  So I have forgiven my brother, but I will be guarding my heart very carefully.

So the ball is now in his court if he wants to meet with me at my mom’s.  My phone number is a privilege to have, not a right.  He has to earn my trust and that will take a while.  If he starts acting like a brother instead of an enemy then we’ll go from there. 

Today I’m Grateful for:

1.  Morriss is such a sweet fuzzy child.
2.  I had food for today.
3.  I had a decent nap this afternoon.



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5 responses to “Trying Again

  1. This is very brave of you, Linda. I hope it goes well, and I hope your brother appreciates what you’re doing.

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