15 Years Ago

It was Friday, April 13, 1999.  (YES, FRIDAY THE 13TH and tax day since the 15th fell on Sunday)  Not a great day for surgery of any kind if you ask my opinion.  But it was the only opening available when they found the abdominal aortic aneurysms in my stomach.  I was only given three weeks to live and a 30% chance of surviving the massive bypass operation. 

Had I known then what I know now I’m not sure if I would have gone through with the surgery.  Had I known that I would  lose my right kidney six months later.  Had I known I would live in insufferable pain for the rest of my life from fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome and a host of other health issues stemming from the surgeries.  Had I known….

Had I known and not gone through with the surgery I might have missed many good moments amidst the pain.  I still have days that are so terribly hard to endure that I wish I could go back in time and not go through the surgery and all the pain that has followed, but then I would have missed
-Many prison ministry meetings that left me more blessed than the inmates.
-Finding Bethany Wesleyan Church and the amazing pastors and people that serve God and attend there.
-Friends that meant the world to me coming and going in and out of my life.
-Writing.
-Buddy and Morriss.
-Meeting the love of my life.  (I know it  will never work out because we met too late and he already has other committments.   I will forever miss the way he made me feel alive and the look of love I saw in his eyes for me even though the time was brief)
-Amazing books I’ve read by Melody Carlson, Ryan Winfield, Nicholas Sparks, Michael Baron and Steven Manchester.
-The amazing year of blogging I did last year and all the neat people I’ve come across here and the awards I was given by others. 
-My friend James who made me enjoy science fiction.
– The amazing blogger Shaun, who can write about anything and make it interesting, who taught me how to skype so I could hear his scottish accent and freak out the cat.
-All the fibromyalgia people I’ve met online and in person.  We truly are not suffering alone.
-All the tech stuff I’ve learned in the past 15 years through working in different sound rooms at different churches and my own curiousity. 

So I guess my point is, I’m glad I didn’t know about all the hard times, pain and suffering that would be in every one of my future days because I would have missed some amazing moments. 

Today I’m grateful for:
1.  I had a nice relaxing day and a nap.
2.  An awesome church.
3.  I’m alive and able to write today.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “15 Years Ago

  1. Sounds to me like you had to have the surgery, but unfortunately you got all these other health issues to deal with after the fact. I am so sorry you have had to endure so much illness and pain. I have a big sinus surgery coming up April 30th, my 9th sinus surgery, a lot of them were different approaches to help alleviate a chronic problem I have. Now they can’t do anything more for me endoscopically and have to do an external procedure, ‘Frontal Sinus Obliteration’. There are only 1% of us that end up needing this surgery! Anyways, I am very scared, as it is a pretty brutal surgery, but if it works I hope to get some relief for awhile anyways. I also have fibro which has been kicking my ass, asthma since 4yrs old, IBS, anxiety and depression and now high blood pressure!! What a piece of work I am, and am also coping alone as my husband bailed 4 years ago as he couldn’t handle all of this. I like you, have good and bad days! I can totally relate to you and what you are going through regularly. I have to have this surgery and there are no guarantees on anything as it is not a common procedure. There are so many unknowns and it sounds like if you didn’t have the surgery you needed, you might not be here to tell your story. That is what I am facing as my disease will only get worse and I will get sicker. Sorry this is so long, lol!! Thank you for sharing and been thinking maybe I should start a blog. I feel less alone when I read your blog and other’s. Hope you have a great day tomorrow. I live in Toronto, Canada so a big ‘eh’ from Canada!!

    • Yes, I did have the surgery in 1999 and yes it caused many other problems with my health. I’m so sorry to hear about all your health issues. This is not a life for wimps, that’s for sure. I think you should start a blog. It helps others to feel like they’re not suffering alone and for me it helps me to let go of some of the pain. Thank you for reading and I look forward to seeing a blog by you. Prayers going up for your surgery on the 30th.

  2. I am truly honored to make the list!

  3. Pepper

    Like you, I have found the journey to be worth the suffering and sacrifice. I truly believe that these illnesses help us become the people we are meant to be and the path we are supposed to follow. One can find Joy in the journey!

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