It has been a very tough week here and I am exhausted. We had a major nor’easter hit us with almost two feet of snow. Mom cried herself to sleep a couple of times because she was in so much pain from shoveling. I had a very difficult time keeping an eye on mom while she was outside shoveling.
This is my view from the supervisory point (the window). As you can see my view is very limited. Which makes me worry. If I can’t keep an eye on mom I worry if she’s ok or not. I spent many hours in that window in the past week.
I know mom is very stressed and in a lot of pain these days. I’ve heard her on the phone asking people about the roof and an ice jam up there and what to do if anything. Mom’s been going out the back door to keep the propane vent on the side of the house clear of snow during all of this too and a piece along the bottom of the door fell off. She called about that and was told she’ll have to wait for the weather to break and the snow to go away. In the meantime she has towels there but the cold air is rushing in from that centimeter gap that is now open. I know mom is concerned about that and a lot of other things.
Add to all that mom has been in so much pain. She isn’t sleeping at night because the pain is so bad. I’ve been trying to be more loving and staying close to mom to let her know that I’m here and I love her.
Yesterday mom told me she had to make a decision whether to go to church or to the grocery store because she was in too much pain and didn’t have enough energy to do both. I know mom was very sad that she couldn’t get to church for yet another week, but I admire her strength to take care of us and go to the grocery store even though she was moving really slow and it looked like it was very painful for her to even walk.
When mom came home from the store and got the groceries inside she started crying and told me she was so very tired and in so much pain she didn’t even want to keep living anymore. I started praying kitty prayers for mom and in between naps I’m praying real hard that mom can get out of this cycle of pain and that our home will be ok and mom will be able to continue taking care of us. Please pray for us. It’s been really hard here.
Mom’s disease seems to be getting worse and worse with each passing day. She sleeps less and less. The pain is getting worse and worse. Her brain seems more foggy than normal and she is having a hard time doing the normal every day things. I’ve had to remind her a couple times that I’m hungry. Sometimes I’ll just eat the hard food she leaves out for me and not bother her because she is in so much pain.
I hate this disease called fibromyalgia. No one deserves to suffer like this. Especially not mom. She tries so hard to help others and be a good friend and yet I’m watching her deal with all this stress all alone.
Today I’m grateful for:
1. Mom finally slept a little this afternoon on the couch.
2. Mom is taking care of me even though she feels awful.
3. Mom made sure I’d have food.