The fantasy of the Christmas I had hoped for and the reality that is was are completely different.
In my fantasy, the perfect Christmas would have been spent with someone special. Dressing up, doing my nails, baking cookies to take along when meeting his friends and family. Waking up together on Christmas morning and spending a leisurely morning together enjoying each other’s company before going to family’s homes or maybe just spending the whole day alone together. But that was just a fantasy and has been only a fantasy my whole life. I’ve never had anyone to spend Christmas with or any other holiday or birthday for that matter.
Second best fantasy would have been going out with my friend’s family on Christmas Eve to church and then going out to dinner. Ending the night visiting at their home for a while before coming home to Morriss. But, the weather cancelled that plan for the second year in a row.
Third best fantasy was baking cookies and taking them everywhere I go and giving them to everyone I see. I did get to do that for about a week before snowstorm after snowstorm and shoveling laid me up on the couch for a week.
My reality was: I had a nice dinner with friends the Friday before Christmas and thoroughly enjoyed visiting, eating, and talking. I made as many cookies as I was able to and gave them to as many people as I could. I spent Christmas day with my mom and sister and had a really nice time.
Sadly my brother has thrown me away so there was no time spent with him, but I was glad to see my mom and sister.
So all in all the reality was really nice and I enjoyed what I could. There were a few moments of loneliness and self-pity but I didn’t dwell there. I watched my favorite movies, baked as many cookies as I could, spent time reading and hanging out with Morriss, and I was able to get together with a friend for a nice dinner that he prepared. So all in all I’m going to say it was a good Christmas.
Maybe my fantasy will come true next year…
Today I’m grateful for:
1. I had a nice quiet day at home and took a wonderful nap this afternoon.
2. We had snow again this morning but I didn’t have anywhere I needed to be so I didn’t care.
3. I’m getting my hair cut tomorrow for the first time in over a year. I couldn’t afford the $30 to have it cut. But I’m just doing it because I need to feel good about me.