I know there are good days and bad days in life, but when you have a chronic illness like fibromyalgia there are far more bad than good days.
The past couple days have been beyond bad. I’ve found myself praying to God that if this is all it’s ever going to be and I’m going to be alone to deal with this forever, then please just bring me home. I’m tired.
There are so few things that bring me joy these days and I can’t even get to them because all my time and limited energy is used for survival and taking care of everyday stuff, like grocery shopping and snow shoveling. After snow shoveling my body felt like I was drug up the highway face first behind a truck at 110 mph.
Knowing it was going to be another lonely Christmas with no one special in my life all I wanted to do was bake cookies to bless others and try to ease my heartache and pain, but snowstorm after snowstorm, after snowstorm has completely derailed that plan. And here I am in pain, lonely, and beyond depressed.
How I wish my life looked different. But it just never seems to go that way for me. I try to put positive spins on things and do things to alleviate loneliness, but I just seem to get kicked in the teeth over and over.
Add to all that the bills I can’t pay and I truly wish if this is as good as it’s gonna get that God would just take me now.
Today I’m grateful for: (not much, but I’ll try.)
1. Hot water, soap, and shampoo and conditioner to take a shower.
2. Morriss. (he’s been throwing up a lot lately and that has me really concerned.)
3. I have heat in my home.