As I sat in front of my TV last night watching Garth Brooks live from Las Vegas, each song transported me somewhere different. Today’s blog is about a few of those songs. Most all of them took me back to when my life was getting ready to make a sharp turn from which there would be no return to normalcy. Thank you Garth Brooks for such poignant songs.
I was rushed to MRI after they found an aneurysm during what was supposed to be a simple procedure to stent open an artery. I was praying I wouldn’t need surgery, but that prayer was not to be answered. I didn’t know it at that time, but listening to “Unanswered Prayers” in the MRI tube was a pivotal moment in my life’s journey. I was a ticking time bomb with three aneurysms in my abdomen that were eight millimeters and ready to burst. I was heading into a life threatening surgery that had 70% probability I wouldn’t make it off the operating table alive. Three weeks after that emergency MRI I was on the operating table. And six months after that I would lose my right kidney because the first surgery didn’t work the way it was supposed to. All my prayers were unanswered and I went through a very long dark period of time where I just didn’t understand why.
From there my journey of chronic pain and strange allergies took on a life of their own and brought me to the hardest place I’ve ever had to live through ~ being disabled for the rest of my life. But I am still standing and alive to tell about it. That was 14 years ago. “I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end, the way it all would go, our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain but I’d a had to miss THE DANCE.”
“If Tomorrow Never Comes” took me many places in my journey but mostly to special men that I have loved in my life that either didn’t love me back or their lives were just too complicated to commit to me. I always try to let those people who are special to me know that I love them because I know just how quickly life can end.
“You know a dream is like a river ever-changing as it flows and the dreamer’s just a vessel that must follow where it goes trying to learn from what’s behind you and never knowing what’s in store makes each day a constant battle just to stay between the shores.” from “The River” This song has taught me to go with the flow of life and try to accept wherever I’m at.
“Much Too Young To Feel This Damn Old” Is how I feel everyday of my life. The violin at the beginning of that song touches deep in my soul. My heart connects every time I hear it.
“Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers, remember when you’re talking to the man upstairs that just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean He doesn’t care, some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers” My prayers to not have to endure surgery weren’t answered that day, but I wouldn’t have wanted to miss these last 14 years of “The Dance”. “If Tomorrow Never Comes” I know I’ve done my best to love the people God has placed in my life. I’m going to follow “The River” of my dreams wherever they may lead even though, “I’m “Much Too Young To Feel This Damn Old.”
Today I’m grateful for:
1. The Garth Brooks special live from Las Vegas last night. Music connects to my heart and mind in a way nothing else in the world can.
2. I met my NaNoWriMo goal of 50,000 words for November last night.
3. I’m having a Garth Brooks day, listening to his music and letting it take me where it will.