Halted

All the big plans I had for today came to a complete halt. I’m not even sure if I can explain it well enough in writing to do it justice, but I will try.

I went into the small bedroom (where all my clothes were relocated to after the closet blowout the other day). My plan was to attack one box. I know what I need to do but my menopausal, fibro fog brain just can’t think it through. So I opened up a box and found my Thomas Kinkade plates that I’ve had for years, since before I went out on disability. Logically I know I should have just put that box aside until later, but I found myself on the computer looking them up on ebay. Why?????!!!!???

The bad news, they’re not worth anything. So I put the plate back in the box and moved the box to be dealt with later. I love Thomas Kinkade so unless I’m going to make decent money on them, I’m not getting rid of them. The next box was arts and crafts stuff. Now I froze.

I know I should have just started pulling things out and going through them one by one, but I was already in pain and the fatigue began washing over me in waves and then I started to feel dizzy. God why? Why is this body working so hard against me?

I know people say or think, just work through it. YOU CAN’T! When the fatigue washes over me my body goes limp and I must lay down immediately or risk passing out. I try not to make a big deal of it, and I don’t tell too many people how awful I feel most of the time, but it is my reality and I must deal with it.

This is why my housework and de-cluttering never get done. I had two people come and help me last year in December and I broke down in tears because of the feeling of being totally overwhelmed. I’ve never been like this before and I’ve since figured out that this is menopause. Meanwhile I’m just sure those two ladies think I’m just a complete nut case.

Not every woman goes through menopause the same way. Most don’t have it near as bad as I do. But thankfully I met a lady in Wegman’s yesterday that is going through it the same way I am. This is so severe and debilitating you can’t think, you can’t concentrate, everything is so hard. Some days I feel like I’m just trying to keep from drowning.

So please be gentle with the woman you know that are going through this. Don’t act like it couldn’t be that bad because yours wasn’t. Each person is an individual and this isn’t a one size fits all medical issue. Just like the fibromyalgia. i hate when someone tells me they have a friend with fibromyalgia and they work, maybe I should check out the medication they’re using. Really?!

I’m aggravated and agitated today. Can you tell? But if you see me out I will do my best to put a smile on my face and laugh because that’s what everyone wants to see.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. I didn’t have to be anywhere today.

2. I took a three-hour nap when the fatigue attacked.

3. Morriss still loves me.

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