It was a day where everything seemed a hundred times harder than it needed to be. This morning the menopause rage was attacking and I was trying to get to church to work the PTZ cameras. The more I tried to calm myself the more agitated I was getting. Then my brain being the mush that it is these days, I decided to completely empty and scrub the litter box before I left. What in the world is wrong with this brain?!?
I made it to church a little late, but still on time. I was glad to see I wasn’t the only one having one of those days. One camera man didn’t even know he was on the schedule and had to rush to his camera with three minutes to spare before the service started. The person running pro-presenter was having stomach issues and was running to the bathroom and I covered for him for a couple minutes. Rough day all around, but it all came together and no one in the audience would know a thing happened.
I chatted with a gentleman that lost his wife last year at a very young age before I left. (I actually knew that couple from a previous church.) He’s such a nice man and a good father.
Home to have lunch and a nap and then off to meet my mom and sister for dinner. My head was swimming in fog and confusion but I needed to get to Valley Farm for grapes so I did that on the way down. On my way home I needed a couple things at the grocery store and after charging my order on one of my almost maxed out credit cards I realized I still had my two coupons in my hand and this probably would push my card over the limit. Uggghhh! I wish my brain could function like it used to and I wish I wasn’t dealing with living on not enough money.
Now I’m home and I want to cry but I know that would use precious energy and give me a headache so I opt to just sit and type my pain onto this blog. The whole time I was unloading my car I was telling God I’m tired of trying to do this all alone and if this is what he has for me for the rest of my life let’s just get it over with. I’m so tired.
Today I’m grateful for:
1. I got the things done I needed to do today even though it was a horrible struggle.
2. I have food for tomorrow.
3. I don’t have to be up early tomorrow.