Depths of Despair

Today was a really tough day. It started this morning when I woke up and the first thing on my mind was the encounter at the grocery store yesterday. I almost wished I hadn’t woken up at all. The only reason I drug myself out of bed was to feed Morriss.

By 9:00 am there was a tornado watch issued until 5:00 pm. I prayed to God and told Him if he planned on sending any tornadoes this way to please just bring me and Morriss home to Him. I’m so tired of fighting this fight all alone.

The one person I wanted to spend my tomorrows with has chosen someone else and doesn’t even care about my feelings or if I even exist. How could I be so very stupid to open my heart to a man again. I had gone 18 years without a man after narrowly escaping with my life from an abusive relationship and I swore I would never let anyone in again. And yet… I did. And here I am again, hurt and in despair. For what?!?

I wanted to get so many things done today and all I could accomplish were the tasks necessary for survival. God I hope tomorrow is a better day. I can’t wait to crawl back into bed and hopefully escape this world for a couple of hours. Please God let me be able to sleep tonight.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. I made a decent dinner even though I didn’t feel like it.

2. I’m writing even though I don’t feel like it.

3. Morriss still loves me.

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