Being disabled sucks. I’m sorry if that’s too much reality in your face, but it’s the truth.
Anyone who thinks I’m just sitting around enjoying my life and all the free time and doing all the things you can’t because you’re working is absolutely delusional and crazy.
Yesterday I had a quiet day of reading and homework planned, but reality took over and by the time I got out of the shower I was too tired and in too much pain and fatigued to do anything at all. And so I spent the beautiful sunny 70 degree day on the couch wishing I could just die and be done with this.
There are so many things I want to do, but this pain ridden body gets in the way and keeps me down. And if it’s not my body it’s the lack of finances. (Believe me, social security disability is not meant to live on.)
I just want to be able to go take a walk in the park, or take a ride in the country, or go to a writer’s weekend, or go away to a hotel by myself for a night, or go do something fun (painting with a twist looks amazing, but I can’t afford it), or so many things… There’s just no money or energy for anything it seems.
I’m trying to drag myself out of the doldrums this morning and maybe after my shower I’ll have a different perspective, but for right now I’m just trying to keep thinking maybe I’ll be able to do something today. Homework, or go for a walk, or call a friend to talk. All things that require either concentration or energy, of which I have none. Sigh…
Today I’m grateful for:
1. I don’t have to be anywhere today.
2. I have left overs for dinner.
3. It’s another beautiful sunny day out.