Cleaning

Today I don’t have to be anywhere and I really wanted to get some cleaning done around my home. So why is it I wake up in so much pain this morning at 3:00 am? Ugghh! I’m going to try to at least vacuum as well as my everyday routine. Maybe after a nap later I’ll be able to do a little more.

I was mortified when I had to bring my mom and sister here on Saturday to go to the bathroom before we went to the church. I didn’t want them to see what an absolute disaster my home is. (It’s not filthy, it’s just cluttered) I just can’t keep up anymore. I’ve told my mom I’m not doing well, maybe after seeing my home she’ll believe me. I don’t know. All I know is my pain and fatigue are just too much for me to do too much physical activity. Writing is fine because I really don’t even have to think about it, it just flows from me.

Menopause and fibromyalgia are kicking my butt. I feel like alien creatures have invaded my body and I don’t even know who or what is what anymore. Simple things have become so difficult. I’m too tired to talk to people. Too tired to explain myself and my illness.

All I want to do is write and my body will allow that for about an hour a day. I take full advantage of that. Everything else I just need to learn to adjust to this new normal I’m finding myself in.

If I could sleep everyday like I did yesterday afternoon I know I would feel so much better, but sleep seems to elude me more often than not these days. Frustrating.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. Writing.

2. I don’t have to be anywhere today so I can nap later.

3. My class starts on Wednesday, so I have something to look forward to.

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