Feeling Drugged

To think I used to pay to feel this way years ago. Now I feel this way because I missed my nap two days in a row. (and not by choice! ~ see July 12, 2013 entry). I know most doctors and well-meaning people will tell you if you want to sleep at night then you must not nap in the afternoon. Well that’s not how my body operates since I got fibromyalgia, CFS, etc… If I don’t nap then my body is in so much pain and so tense that I can’t sleep at night. I need that hour or three to relax my body.

Once I get to the tense mode that I’m in now it’s almost impossible to get my body to relax at all. Now it will take a couple of days on the couch just to get my body to a point where I can function and sleep at night again. Uggghhh! I really don’t ask for much just a little peace and quiet in the afternoon to take a nap. I know there’s no perfect place to live, but it was never like this before. I’ve lived here for almost ten years and only that past two years has been like this when new neighbors moved in. Between the loud music and the motorcycle and car engines revving I’m so agitated I can’t stand it.

If I wasn’t feeling so awful I probably wouldn’t notice or even care, but when you’re in pain all day every irritant just kicks the pain up a notch. I guess I need to be thankful that no one lives above or below me and try my best to just deal with it.

I’m so tired this morning I can barely keep my eyes open. Even though I went to bed at 9:00 and was asleep by 10:00 I was up every two hours because of the pain. Then to try to fall asleep again. Ugghh! I won’t get up unless it’s really bad because then I end up eating to take another pill and that’s two things I don’t want to get into the habit of doing. I don’t want to be eating when I should be sleeping, that’s how I gained all this weight in the first place. And I don’t want to go back to taking more than 2.5 pills a day for the pain. There was a time in the beginning that I was taking 5 pills a day and then I would be up at night eating to take a pill. I stopped that about eight years ago and I’m not going back there.

So that’s my venting for today. Fibromyalgia is a miserable disease to live with.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. I don’t have to be anywhere so after my shower and daily chores hopefully I’ll be able to rest on the couch with NO NOISE.

2. I have left overs for dinner so I don’t have to cook.

3. I’m glad I got to spend time with my friend yesterday. I’m still seeing his smile in my mind.

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