Today is financial wizardry day. (a.k.a. – bill paying day) This is the day where I get my magic wand out of the closet and pay my bills. Oh wait, I don’t have a magic wand. Stress….
I know once again I can’t pay everything that’s due. Sigh. I know I’m still going to be a month behind in my mortgage and electric bill. And I know I don’t have the $315 to pay the propane bill. So things are not looking good. But I have food. I was stressing about buying food yesterday, and then I figured well if I don’t eat I’ll be dead and then I won’t have to pay the bills. I opted to live.
Now you might be thinking, “Why doesn’t she just go to the food banks?” Well if you’ve never been to one let me tell you. The one I’m assigned to (according to my school district) just didn’t work out for me. It was once a month and there was always a long ling to stand in. (Which was problem number one. – I can’t stand for a long period of time. Sometimes it was over an hour) There was always a ton of bread which is not good when you’re trying to lose weight. I’m allergic to almost everything and there is no time to read labels so unless I know the product it’s not even worth me taking it. Then to top it off you bring it home and find it expired 6 months ago. So I’d stand in line for over an hour to get a box of macaroni and cheese that I could buy at Wegmans for .33 cents. It truly wasn’t worth my gas, my time, and my pain level to go there anymore. I did go for about two years and got what I could, hoping each time next month would be better, but when November rolled around and everyone was getting turkeys but not me because I’m only one person. I left there in tears feeling very sad and pathetic. Since I was single and didn’t have a significant other or children I wasn’t eligible to even receive a turkey breast that they were handing out. I left there feeling like the most insignificant piece of dirt on the planet and vowed to myself I would never put myself through that again. I’d rather starve than feel that way. So I never went back.
I don’t know what made me write all that but back to the subject of the day. Financial Wizardry. As soon as I post this I will be crunching the numbers and praying that I can keep afloat for another day. I am scared and tired of being alone, but it’s the life I’ve been dealt. I guess God thinks I’m strong enough to handle it so, chin up and keep walking forward.
Today I’m grateful for:
1. I have food to eat.
2. I have some money to pay some bills. It could be worse.
3. Writing. It’s definitely keeping me sane these days.