I went to the Writer’s Cafe last night even though there were thunder storms rolling in. I felt horrible leaving Morriss alone, but I have so little to look forward to these days and I really needed to get out. So I went.
I could see the storm’s fury raging outside the window of the room we were occupying in the cafe at the grocery store. I felt a little guilty knowing poor Morriss was most likely scared out of his furry little mind. Thankfully he was no worse for wear when I came home, but he didn’t sleep with me last night. I’m guessing he was upset with me for leaving him alone.
Morriss and I are very much alike in that we are scared of the storms in life. The difference is I am here for Morriss. I will do everything in my power to make sure he is protected and has a home with me and food to eat and clean litter. He’s here for me, but he can’t ease the financial and physical burdens I’m under right now.
My whole life has been one relentless storm after another. Just when I think I can take a breather another wave hits me and knocks me down. I’m getting older and I’m really tired. I don’t know how many more times I can get back up. Being alone in the world is a very scary thing. Yes, I have friends, but most of them don’t know that half of what my life looks like on a daily basis. If they’re reading this blog (which most of them don’t) then they know as much as you do.
I still wish there would be a man to love and adore me and work with me through our trials, but as each day, month, and year ticks by my hope dwindles and the flame gets dimmer. The reality that I will have to do this alone until the Lord calls me home is beyond exhausting to think about.
Today I’m grateful for:
1. Morriss is ok.
2. I got out amongst some fellow writers last night.
3. I have an appointment with the chiropractor this morning so hopefully I’ll feel a little better physically this afternoon.