The disease wins

Today’s dinner will be pork roast, slow cooked in the crockpot with Kraft Original BBQ sauce. Thank you Redner’s supermarket for having the BBQ sauce on sale for $1.00. I’ve been wanting to make this pork roast for a while but the BBQ sauce wasn’t here. So that will be dinner for the next couple of days.

I’ve learned with this fibromyalgia I need to plan ahead for everything. If I can just heat up dinner on a busy day it helps a lot. (of course my idea of a busy day with this illness is going to a doctor appointment and stopping at the grocery store to pick up a few things.)

Why is it that you can go days with nothing at all to do and then three things present themselves all on the same day? Years ago I’d be able to do it if I wasn’t working, but now that I have time, my body can’t keep up.

Tomorrow is a prime example. I’ve had nothing to do all week and I’ve been resting and recuperating from the workshops last Saturday. Tomorrow there are three things I would like to do.
1. Angel’s thesis at Lafayette College in Easton. (12-1)
2. My friend Gail asked me to take her son to work tomorrow so her and her husband can go away for the day. (3:45-5:00)
3. Ian Holmes is at a local church with his sister singing tomorrow evening.

I know taking Gail’s son to work is a priority because that family has been there for me through the worst moments in my life and I love them, so that’s first priority. I really want to go support my friend Angel because I admire her and respect her so much, unfortunately that’s in the total opposite direction of my afternoon trip and between the gas and my pain level I don’t think I’ll be able to make it and that makes me so very sad. I know it’s a forty-five minute drive to Lafayette College from here and I’d have to come all the way back home and then drive twenty minutes to pick up Chris and then take him to work in Fogelsville (thirty-five minutes) and then drive back home. I know just taking Chris to work will tire me out and I don’t like driving when I’m not feeling my best. The concert already had to be eliminated because there’s no way I can do that. So tough choices all because of this stupid disease. It’s no wonder I can’t find a man to love me or keep any close friends.

Amazing how I have to think every single detail of my life through like this. I can’t just hop in the car and go anywhere. I need to think about the physical and financial ramifications of every single moment of my life. I’m so very tired of this.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. The crockpot and the pork roast I’ll be having for dinner.

2. I finally heard from my friend after 5 days and he’s ok.

3. I know my limits better than I did at the beginning of this journey and I know how to keep the pain manageable even if it means I have no life to speak of.

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1 Comment

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One response to “The disease wins

  1. I was running these same thoughts through my mind yesterday. I remember when my stress was having to stop by the store after work…now it’s whether I will leave the house or not.

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