I don’t know how long I cried last night or how long I sat on the couch this morning staring at my closed blinds with the sun shining outside and the tv blaring and my heart feeling like it’s being squeezed causing me to bleed to death internally. Why do I always end up like this in relationships?
I feel like a piece of garbage that’s left at the curb waiting for the refuse truck to pick me up and take me to the dump. Why I ever let anyone pick me up off the pile and believe that it will be different this time is beyond me. I must be a special kind of stupid.
It’s never any different for me. In my 46 years on this earth it’s never been any different. I always end up in this state wondering what in the hell is wrong with me.
Obviously I’m too broken to ever be loved.
Maybe this is how the crazy cat ladies get started. Don’t worry, I’m not getting more cats. I can’t even afford the one I have. I’m just trying to find something to giggle about so I don’t give up my will to live.
Today I’m grateful for: (NOT A THING, BUT…)
1. At least it wasn’t physical abuse this time.
2. I’ve been alone my whole life so at least it’s not unfamiliar territory.
3. I’m one day closer to finishing these horrid antibiotics.