I woke up at 3:30 this morning with words flying through my mind that wanted to be put down on paper. (Thankfully I’ve learned to keep paper and pen next to my bed so I don’t have to get out from under the warm covers in search of my notebook.) I’m not sure how long I was writing, but I have three legal size pages filled and ready to be typed up towards my CampNanoWrimo goal.
I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to get started on CampNanoWrimo or if I was going to bag it once again. My goal is only 20,000 words so I can do this. I’m realizing that morning is my writing time. By the time the afternoon and evening comes I’m too tired and fatigued to write anything.
I actually write a lot more than just this blog everyday. I do at least two notebook pages of random thoughts, worries, and concerns so I can let them go. Then I do one page on a writing prompt. Then this blog and sometimes like this morning whatever is bursting out of me. I love when the floodgates open like that, I just wish is wasn’t always between 2:00 am and 4:00 am.
My insecurities are at an all time high this morning and I hate that. I don’t know why I am so very insecure about what people I care about think of me or if they’re upset with me. Anyone who knows me would probably say that is not true of me, but I never let anyone that close to find out. There’s only one person who knows how bad I am with this and I’m hating myself for making it known. I wonder if it will be used against me at some point. I wonder if I’ll be kicked to the curb with the garbage again. I know I’ll never try again if I am.
Enough of that.
Today I’m grateful for:
1. The words that found their way out of me and onto paper this morning.
2. A nice lunch with my girlfriend yesterday.
3. Looks like the sun will be shining again today.