Ugghhh 3:00 am

Why on God’s green earth am I waking up at 3:00 am! Especially today! It’s the final day of the writer’s conference. I just want to go and enjoy myself. Is that really too much to ask? I guess it is. I woke up in tremendous pain at 3:00 am. I forced myself to lay there until 4:30 am because I know I have to drive back and forth from the hotel today so even if I can’t sleep I need rest.

Can I say I AM SO VERY TIRED OF THIS LIFE!!!!!!

On a good note: I enjoyed reading for the “Page Cuts” workshop last night. Far more than I even expected. May even have to do that next year.

As I was reading last night one of the pieces transported me back in time in my life. The character was going to the hospital to have an abdominal aneurysm fixed and the person had it as an overnight surgery. I wasn’t there to critique and since it was all anonymous I just mentioned that I had an abdominal aortic aneurysm 14 years ago and I was in ICU for four days and the hospital for seven and it was horrible and I’ve never been back to work since. So I recommended that they make sure they do their research because someone like me might be reading.

Fourteen years. Hard to believe. Fourteen years ago on March 25, 1999 I found out I had an abdominal aortic aneurysm. Fourteen years ago my life changed forever. Fourteen years ago I would have never placed myself at a writer’s conference reading for a workshop. Fourteen years ago I was just hoping I would be alive until the surgery. (I only had four weeks to live when the aneurysms were discovered) Fourteen years ago I was hoping I would be able to go back to work 8 – 12 weeks after surgery.

Obviously I survived until the surgery. The surgery was awful. Fifty-two staples down the front of me from just below my breasts all the way to just above my groin. Pain that I will never forget. The worst part was six months to the day later I was back in the hospital having my kidney removed because the bypass shut down. Another thirty-six staples this time around my right side. (So much for ever wearing a bikini again – Not like I ever could in the first place.) The brilliant ass that operated on me the first time put me in a latex operating room and I am allergic to latex! Hence the shutdown.

All that led to where I am today. Suffering from Fibromyalgia brought on by the trauma to my body of those two major surgeries within six months of each other, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, a mass cell problem brought on when the kidney was removed that mimics severe allergies, chemical sensitivities, financial worries, and a lifetime of disappointment.

But yet, here I was last night dressed in one of my clearance outfits that I love, (A really pretty skirt, shirt, and sweater.), volunteering to read for the “Page Cuts” workshop at a writer’s conference. Fourteen years later I am still alive and obviously still fighting. Fourteen years later I have a dream to be a writer. Oh wait, I AM A WRITER!

Today I’m grateful for:

1. The great time I’ve had the past two days at the writers conference.

2. I’m up early enough to post to my blog before I leave.

3. Page Cuts went very well.

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