I wore a dress yesterday. Why? No, I didn’t have a date (haven’t been asked out on one of those in years). I never even left the house. So why you may ask.
I try to dress nice everyday, even if it’s just a nice shirt and jeans, even if I don’t plan on leaving the house. Even if I spend the day on the couch. Why you may ask?
The same reason I put make up on most everyday. I need to feel like I’m ok. Dressing nice and putting on make up are two things from my old life that I can still do. I must do. I need to feel good about me.
Believe me those two little things don’t take away the pain from my chronic illness and they don’t take away my glaring insecurities and low self-esteem. They just make me feel like my life is normal for a few minutes.
And if someone drops by, which happens almost never, I won’t be answering my door in my robe at 4:00 in the afternoon.
Fourteen years ago when I first got diagnosed there were days I wouldn’t get in the shower until 5:00 pm and then I was just in a funk all the time. Until my secret sister at church gave me a book about a woman fighting cancer. At first I couldn’t understand what in the world that book had to do with me, but after reading it (or devouring it – because I read it quickly and many times thereafter) I understood completely. Even if she didn’t “feel” like it she forced herself to shower, dress nice, and put on make-up. Even if she ended up back in bed for the whole day. That’s when I began trying it and she was right. The book had a lot of great ideas. In fact I think later today I’m going to dig that book out. Many books have come and gone since, but that one will always remain.
I just went back to my nightstand and got the book because I know you’re just dying to know the title and author. Ok ready, “A Cup Of Hope: Resting in the Promise of God’s Faithfulness” by Emilie Barnes. I think I really need to read this book again.
Today I’m grateful for:
1. It may be raining all day today, but at least it’s not snow and I can go meet my girlfriend for our monthly lunch.
2. God bringing that book to mind.
3. My friend surprising me with a visit last night. Wish it could have been more than twenty minutes, but it felt good to be remembered and know someone cared to check on me.