It’s supposed to be 55 degrees and sunny here today. So as I sit in my house in a fibromyalgia flare that could bring the strongest man in the world to his knees I daydream about what I could do today.
The first wish on my list would be to wash and wax my car. I’ve always loved detailing my car. I love watching the rain bead up and seeing the clouds and trees reflect on the freshly waxed hood. I love getting into a clean shiny car and driving with my favorite music playing.
The reality will be (MAYBE) after my shower I’ll be able to clear out all the books and stuff that has accumulated in my car over the winter and get that put away before I collapse once again on the couch.
My second wish would be to drive to my favorite town, New Hope, PA and walk around and look in the shops and have a nice lunch outside. The drive there is as beautiful as the town itself.
The reality is I can’t drive two hours straight anymore and do anything. After the drive I would need to get a room to nap before I’d be able to do anything else. Then I’d need to stay over night after walking around for an hour so I’d be able to drive back home. Financially that isn’t possible. So the closest I’d get would be to go to the park near my house that’s by the river and sit on a bench.
My third wish would be to go to NYC and see a Broadyway play and walk around NY like I used to before I got sick. I used to do that once a month, just take a weekend and go enjoy NY.
Reality is that probably won’t ever happen again. Financially I can’t afford any of it and physically I used to take the bus in so that won’t happen.
My dream of all dreams would be to meet a man who would take me to those places and help me wax my car and understand when I was tired and put me to bed and hold me gently and tell me he loved me regardless. (I know keep dreaming)
My reality today is I will take a shower and take care of the cat and make a healthy dinner and pass out on the couch.
Today I’m grateful for:
1. I have a house and a couch.
2. I have a car. Maybe one day soon I’ll feel well enough to wash and wax it.
3. I have memories of great times before I got sick.