Am I Clinically Depressed?

Today was the GLVWG (Greater Lehigh Valley Writer’s Group) meeting.

I’ve been thinking about a comment a friend left me on one of my blog entries that she’s worried about me being clinically depressed. I really don’t think I’m clinically depressed because I always look forward to these group meetings. I truly think what’s happening to me is fibromyalgia flare and menopause colliding and causing a hormonal nightmare and overwhelming pain and fatigue.

Then add to that the threats of snow and snowy weather we’ve gotten and I haven’t been able to get to the writer’s group meetings and that was disappointing.

This morning when my alarm went off at 6:00 am my whole body hurt so bad I could barely move. Add to that we were still in a freezing rain advisory until 10:00 am. I forced my pain ridden body out of bed looked out my front door to see just wet conditions, not icy, and then checked the news to see that our temperature was above freezing and rising.

So… I had breakfast, fed the cat, took my pain meds, wrote my three morning pages, and prayed that the shower would help my pain because the pain meds did NOTHING. After my shower I was still hurting really bad and prayed that my stretches that I do every morning would help ease it, but NOPE.

What normally takes me a half hour to accomplish had taken me an hour because I was moving so slow because of the pain. As much as I hated to do it, I left the house with my dishes undone. At least I managed to clean the cat’s litter box before I left.

Off I went. For the first half of my thirty-five minute drive I kept fighting with myself to turn around and go back home. The pain was so bad. But the responsible part of me said, “No, you made a committment to this group and these people are counting on you.”

I felt honored when I was asked to be a member rep and to sit on the board of directors for the writers group last year and I feel like I’ve really been dropping the ball and letting everyone down. The responsibilities are not demanding or overwhelming in any way, but the way my body’s been feeling it’s been hard to do anything these days.

I pushed on and prayed that God would give me the energy and stamina I needed to make it through. I got there at 9:05 am, five minutes late, but that was ok.

The board meeting went well and I volunteered to be a reader for “Page Cuts” on Friday night at the conference in March. (March 21 -23 at the Days Inn Hotel in Allentown, PA – you can check out the website at GLVWG.org) I so want to volunteer for more but I know right now I need to keep my schedule light. I’m just glad that I can do something to contribute to this awesome group.

I stayed for the general member meeting and shared how well my blogathon went in January and how I plan to blog everyday for 2013. I really enjoy blogging everyday. I look forward to this every morning now.

After the board meeting and the member meeting there was a presentation on giving pitches. (How to present your book to an agent or editor) It was an awesome presentation and I so wish I could have stayed for the afternoon workshop, but my body was screaming in pain so loud I knew I had to hightail it back home.

So at noon I began my pain ridden journey back home for lunch, dishes, another pain pill and a nap on the couch for two and a half hours. This is why my blog is being posted so late today.

All in all I had a great day. If my pain would not have been so bad it would have been a perfect day. One of the members asked for my card with my blog address so she could check it out and another member told me she’s reading it everyday. I felt quite honored. I really needed that encouragement today.

So in conclusion, I really don’t believe I’m clinically depressed. Do I need an antidepressant to get me through this time in my life? Perhaps, and hopefully my doctor and I will come up with a solution on Monday when I see him. I do believe I’m depressed but only because my body is at war with me and it’s agony. I want to do so much but my pain overrides many of my plans, dreams, and desires.

At least I do enjoy writing on my blog and this I can do. So I will.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. GLVWG

2. This blog.

3. God helping me to get to and from the meeting today safely.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Am I Clinically Depressed?

  1. Helen Clark

    Your awesome girl.

  2. Debbie Bitzer

    Hi Linda, I just read your blog for today. I think you already know that we share some of the same pain issues. Since I read your blog and you said you where seeing your doc on Mon. may I suggest you ask him what he thinks about your depression. Also, fibro is treated with an anti-depressant sometime. I know, because it’s one of the reasons I take one. I also, suffer with clinical depression so it helps with both. I also take two kinds of pain meds with it. It doesn’t take all the pain away but it helps me manage most days. Today is not one of them. Lol! I did my seminar today because I was running it and couldn’t back out. But then I came home and crashed in bed till the nurse left at 4. It’s been a hard day today with pain but I got through it with God’s strength. Amen! Love you girlfriend, talk to you tomorrow.

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