Just when I think I’m an expert at dealing with physical pain I get slammed from the side with emotional pain.   I’m not sure which is worse.  Or maybe the emotional pain is intensified because of the horrendous physical pain?  Or is the physical pain intensified by the acute emotional pain?  I think the answer is both.

I cried so many tears this past week.  I’m not talking lip quivering tears, I’m talking gut wrenching weeping.  The kind that comes from deep inside a shattered heart when you feel like you can’t even breathe or stand up and you’re thankful to just have a wall to lean against until the emotions pass once again.

Unfortunately the tears, the sobbing, the weeping don’t leave for long and they return with a vengeance flooding my mind with more unfulfilled dreams and hopes that will never be realized.

Trust broken.  Heart broken.  Dreams dashed. Hopes all but a vapor and gone. “Why even bother?” I ask myself.  And I answer, “I don’t know that I can, ever again.”  Obviously I’m not meant to truly be loved and adored by a man like other women.

I am the strong woman you admire for her strength, easy laugh and sense of humor.  Believe me it all comes at a huge price – buckets and buckets of tears.


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