Unwanted Changes

I feel like I’ve lived an entire years worth of days in the past month.  June 1st started rolling with a bang.  I was away with friends walking into a Perkins Restaurant in central Pennsylvania when my cell phone rang and my mom’s number was on the caller id.  I decided to wait until after we ordered dinner before listening to the message and returning the call. 

My sister left a panicked voicemail that mom had been in a car accident and was at St. Luke’s Hospital.  Mom was able to call my sister so I didn’t think she was in too bad of shape.  I told my sister I was on my way to Ohio and wouldn’t be back until June 3rd.    She said Harry (our brother) was coming to pick her up and take her to the hospital.  Of course his first question to my sister was, “Where the f—- is Linda?”  When my sister told him he responded with, “All she cares about is jailbirds and n——.”  I’m so very glad I was away.

When I called the hospital later that evening the nurse in ICU was very nice and told me  they were doing emergency surgery on my mom’s neck because she had dislocated vertebrae in her neck.  So she broke her neck.  The nurse said IF my mom could walk after the surgery would determine the length of recovery.  IF!!!!!!  Needless to say sleep didn’t happen that night for me.  I was praying a lot and wondering why I was so far away, but God had me in the perfect place as I look back on the series of events.  There was nothing I could do at the hospital that I wasn’t doing in that hotel room and the feelings my brother has for me would not have made for a healing atmosphere for my mom.  So I guess God knew it would be best to remove me from the picture. 

When we were on our way home Sunday I felt the beginnings of a sore throat.  I knew it was because of the lack of sleep and stress.  This fibromyalgia is awful, if my body doesn’t get the rest it needs or gets too stressed I get violently ill.  And so it was…I had a horrible case of bronchitis by Tuesday morning.  I started antibiotics right away, but one round wasn’t enough and I had to go to the doctor for a second round.   I wasn’t able to see my mom at all, but I was able to talk to her on the phone. 

My brother was not happy that he had to pick my sister up and take her to the hospital and was more worried about what I was doing than about how my mom was doing. My mom and sister got to see what a jackass he really is, but then he bought them two air conditioners for their apartment and put them in so he was back to hero status once again. 

Since I’ve gotten over the bronchitis I’ve been taking my sister to the grocery store and running errands with her since she doesn’t drive.  I’ve also been taking mom to her doctor’s appointments.  So with their life and my doctors appointments and the need to rest my writing has been non-existent.  I don’t think they realize what a sacrifice I’m making, but God does.  

I get really depressed because I try to help people but I’m not a priority in anyone’s life. When I was sick it took me three days to drag myself to the grocery store and I couldn’t even make it to the back of the store to get milk.  There was no one here for me.   I wonder why I even bother sometimes.

Thankfully my mom is able to walk, but Penn Dot just recalled her license so that’s another hurdle to be dealt with in the coming days.  I think if she isn’t working she should be able to drive, but that’s for the doctor to decide. 

In the meantime we’re in a heat wave here and my living room air conditioner just isn’t working as well as it should.  I’ve been trying to find a replacement, but they’ve changed them and put drain holes in the middle of the bottom of the unit which will drain into my windowsill and then into my house.  My only option at this point is a portable one but I don’t have the money to do that so I’m praying this thing just keeps working.  I’ve resorted to putting aluminum foil over the inside of the blinds in my kitchen and living room and that seems to be keeping it a little cooler.  I’m just so overwhelmed, discouraged, and depressed. 

Conclusion for Today: Life can change in 10 seconds.  Enjoy the good moments while you can.  Sometimes they seem far and few in between.   I so hope I’ll be a priority in someone’s life before I die.

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